I have a problem in truthfully introducing myself to others – I am always unsure about what kind of impressions that I should deliver first, and what unique characteristics of mine that I should prioritize in order to leave a good impression of myself. Perhaps I am still struggling with a self-identity crisis, a prolong series of my painful teenagehood. This so-called crisis takes place in many different types of occasions and audience I am attending to. Funnily, it involves lots of half-truth strategies with creative versions of answers. Let me give you some examples.
Situation 1:
New students in a classroom at the beginning of a semesterStudents: Tell me about yourself, Sir.
Me: My name is HILMI. Please, it is HEEL ME or HILL ME or HEAL ME. But I would prefer you to HEAL ME because it sounds so healing for me. And for God’s sake, don’t ever HELL ME because I am from HILL, not from HELL. If you ever HELL ME, you‘d better get the HELL out of you.
Students: Okay Sir Hilmi.
Me: One more thing, don’t ever call me “Sir”. I have never been to England and the Queen has never conferred me the title “Sir”, unless Sir Elton John is ready to share his honorable title and wealth with me. I know it is so typical for Malaysian students to call their male English lecturers “Sir”, but I would prefer to be called CEKMI. I like it. It sounds so simple, friendly, Malay, and less British.
The truth: I am not a HILL man, I don’t mind to be HELLed, and I am proud to be “Sir”red.
Situation 2:
New lecturers in a formal gatheringNew lecturers: Where are you from?
Me: I am from Melaka.
The truth: I am from Kelantan, and this fact bothers me until now for I am not comfortable to be associated with typical Kelantanese traits. (Yes, Kelantanese out there, damn me. You can label me as a blasphemous Kelantanese). Once these people find out the truth, I will defend myself: “My mother’s parents are from Melaka, and my father’s are from Kelantan.”
I was half-lying.
Situation 3:
Makciks in kampungsMakciks: Are you still single?
Me: I am married with 3 kids.
The truth: I am happily single. The fact that I am still unmarried at the age of 29 bothers so many people, especially those
kepohs. Once they find out the truth, I will defend myself: “I am married with 3 lives – my teaching profession, my master studies, and my administrative tasks.”
I was half-lying.
Situation 4:
New Chinese friends in a Chinese restaurantChinese friends: Where are you working?
Me: I am working in a college as a Manager.
The truth: I am a lecturer in International Islamic College. Having to confess this fact might shock them to death, knowing my alien behaviour in an alien place with an alien friend. But, I am really a Manager, only I do not mention my other profession.
I was half-lying.
Situation 5:
Complete strangers in a junior friend’s house
Strangers: Are you a student or working?
Me: I am a student.
The truth: I am a lecturer, which sounds so old and sickly-matured. Being in a jolly situation with crazy young friends, I don’t want to spoil the impression of my “youngness”, “smallness”, “funkiness” and “cuteness” by saying the truth. Once they find out the truth, I will defend myself: “I am a master's degree student in TESL studying in International Islamic University Malaysia.”
I was half-lying.
Yes, being an English lecturer, a Manager for Registration & Examination Department, and a master's degree student in TESL simultaneously has driven me crazy and confused most of the time. It makes me a half-liar.
My goodness, saying all these is really HEALing ME.
Welcome to my blog.
