Pre-Raya

1. Kids become ‘smarter’ in face-burning and finger-cutting.
2. It is the high time for the elegant biar-papa-asal-bergaya trend.
3. “Fuyyo! Sales lah bang!” a hysterical wife said to the tired husband.
4. Buying baju raya is a standard operating procedure for joy in the world.
5. Jalan TAR and Masjid India belong to shopaholics and spendthrifts.
6. Offices are decorated so dazzlingly like Santa Claus is coming.
7. Even Anuar Zain knows how to sing a bad cover version of lagu raya.
8. Jalan raya is a short-cut highway to meet God in heavan or hell.
9. Balik kampung journey pains your ass in the middle of congested traffic.
10. Mat rempiks are experimenting new raya stunts in the deserted city.


During Raya

11. Fashion disaster is at every corner of kampong, graveyard and mosques.
12. “Eh, is that last year’s curtain?” an observant makcik is giggling.
13. Kids are cursing at the grownups who give them only RM1 for duit raya.
14. Veer-Zaara on TV2 is more appealing than meeting long-lost relatives.
15. The more the number of horribly same-taste biskut raya, the merrier.
16. “Maaf Zahir Batin,” says a wrongdoer and forgets about it immediately.
17. Famous artists are singing tirelessly on TV like there is nothing else to do.
18. Pil Chi Kit Teck Aun is a best-selling cure for compulsive eaters.
19. Hedonistic activities take a new level after a month of self-control.
20. Concerned aunties are asking the singles: “Bila kau nak kawin?”


Post-Raya

21. Kids are counting their profits to buy more terrorist-related devices.
22. Parents are asking for their share of duit raya from their rich children.
23. Baju Melayu is kept nicely in the locker until the next Hari Raya Haji.
24. “Will I see my grandchildren again?” kampong old folks are sobering.
25. Rumah terbuka is mushrooming and filled with biskut raya leftovers.
26. People are persistently indulged with excessive foods and drinks.
27. A worried man asks a Courts Mammoth officer: “What installment?”
28. OPS SIKAP XIV will definitely be launched again next year.
29. Going back to a pathetic office life is like going back to hell holes.
30. A government officer is lamenting: “Lambatnya nak masuk gaji baru!”

Oh, belum raya lagi ke? Okay, Selamat Hari Raya.

Selamat, selamat. InsyaAllah.