When it comes to handling usrah, I am always equipped with the unthinkable bit of knowledge which, in some gratifying ways, provides some ingenious leeway for my utter ignorance over the subject matter. This is one of them.

Okay students, today’s topic is Soul Purification. Eh, have I started this class with Al-Fatihah? Oh, I have? Thanks Huda, whoa, you look so pretty today with that famous Wardina-style tudung and glittering baju kurung that people only wear when they go to a wedding, hmmm, are you going for a date after this? Hah, why you smile smile like that, Amran? You are going with her, ke? Astaghfirullah, this is Friday lah, hissh hissh hissh. Okay okay, let’s talk about our usrah today. Wait wait, haa… here comes another VIP who is fashionably late to class. Give him a big round of applause. Clap clap clap. Yes, welcome to my class dear VIP, you can kindly proceed to you seat and be comfortably seated on your comfy leathered chair there, and congratulations on your classic lateness because you’ve successfully got my attention and these girls’ attention. I know you are desperately looking for attention and craving for love, and that’s why you purposely came late today, right Nabil? Good boy.

Okay people, let’s start now. What is it, Noraini? You wanna go to the toilet? Why you wanna go to the toilet at the beginning of my class? You can go to the toilet before my class, can’t you? Cannot tahan? Go go go to the toilet and what Abdullah? No no no, you cannot say things like that to her. Naughty lah you ni. You want to go to a toilet too, Hazwan? Okay, make sure you read the sign properly before entering the toilet ha ha. Okay okay, this is usrah, not English class. I should be talking like a respectable Ustaz. What Fatimah? These old newspaper? Wait, I will tell you very soon. Patient patient patient. Sabar itu separuh daripada iman. Ha ha.

Now, I will put you into 5 groups. I will start counting you now, one, two, three, what Sharifah? You want to choose your own group members? Hak elah, why you people ah, always like to be among your own kind only? So complacent and racist. Okay, choose choose choose. Now now. Only five or four students in a group. Yes, like that. Faster. Faster. Why you slow? Aggressive lah sikit.

Now, see these old newspapers? I want you guys to build the tallest and strongest building using these newspapers only, yes, only these. Use your wild imagination and creativity to build one building. I don’t care how it will look like as long as it is a building, not a durian or a kueh. Any question? No Husna, no, you cannot use other things besides these newspapers. I have brought enough newspapers and I think they are enough for five groups. Yes Faisal, yes, you can build any type of building, KLCC, KL Tower, Menara Maybank, Tabung Haji, anything. But make sure, people, your buildings must be tall and strong. The group that builds the strongest and tallest building will be the winner. Any other questions? Yes Mashitah, toilet? Haiyoyo, go go go. Okay, you may start now. How long? Hmm, 15 minutes, not enough? Okay okay okay, 30 minutes. Now, come and grab these newspapers. Now!