This Sunday, the most dreadful moment will finally come. It will mark the terrible turning point of my youthful days. 3rd of September will definitely witness another inevitable ageing process upon another weak human being called Cekmi.

Yes, Cekmi is turning 30!

Well, at least physically.

Honestly, I am freaking out inside. I feel like I haven’t prepared anything for the natural contract of being a 30-year-old man. A man? That scares me even more. I have never felt like a man. I am always a little teenage boy. So, like Peter Pan, I refuse to go through another stage of life, definitely not this weekend.

But then, there Britney Spears singing for me – “You are not a boy, not yet a man…”

Okay, let’s check the reality. What makes you so disturbed, Cekmi?

One, I still belong to a single club (I am a hopeless lonely man who never dates any creatures for ages)
Two, I have not reached the financial status I have wanted (maybe the weight machine cum a fortune teller at Alpha angle was right when it said, “Although you make plenty of money when young, you will only accumulate it in middle age”)

That’s all? You are so over reactive Cekmi. Now, count your blessings!

One, I am professionally better than mat-rempits.
Two, my weight is getting better (though my Japanese height is unalterable)
Three, I have terminated all the three “fancy” credit cards so that now I have zero debts with those ever-blood sucking banks
Four, I am almost completing my ever-slow master’s degree

Okay, well done Cekmi.

Apparently, I have more blessings than curses. But what scares me most of becoming 30 is that I have not lived my life the way the other normal guys at my age have lived - the way the family, the colleagues, and the societies want me to be. I am afraid that my 30’s life will change this reality, which troubles me. I have never felt like I am ready to accept the mainstream lifestyles of becoming a normal 30-year old guy. Mentally and soulfully, I am always 10 years younger than what I physically am. Truthfully, I am not matured enough to be 30. My students deserve more the position that I have now, judging from their physical looks and matured approach in general life.

What’s more, this crucial state of mine is like Hang Tuah metaphorically saying to Puteri Gunung Ledang, “Tangan hamba terikat di langit, kaki hamba terpasak di bumi, jasad tidak standing mimpi.” I am trapped between my physical obligations and my crying hearts. Should I listen to my bodily needs or follow my youthful instincts? Help me dear readers (the question sounds so like Illyana in Impian Ilyana on nTV7, only I did not charge 50 cent for an answer through SMS).

By the way, preparations have been made. My friends and I are going to “celebrate” the destruction of my 20s in Pulau Perhentian this weekend. What a jolly way to welcome the not-so-jolly day I will become older! I wish when I wake up next week, I am still the old “young Cekmi”, who never complies with ageing nuisance.

p/s: Happy Merdeka Malaysia (I am free!)