I have four stories for you.


I

It was past midnight. X has been driving a car non-stop from KL to Kelantan. And he has been smoking non-stop from KL to Kelantan.
“Why are you smoking buddy?” his non-smoker friend asked him.
“It keeps me awake. I feel good.”
“But why? Aren’t you afraid of death?”
“Do you see that heavy-loaded truck?”
“Yes?”
“I could hit that truck if I don’t smoke.”
“Okay, I understand. Keep smoking.”
“And we could as well die if the driver of that truck decides to bang into us. And that would send both of us into the seventh heavan.”
“Point taken. Smoking does not kill. The truck does.”

Both of them have survived that long night.
The non-smoker, has.
The smoker too, hASS.


II

The Tobacco Man is counting his profits.

Well well well, I could make a lot of money in 30 years, the Tobacco Man says.

Can I have a deal with you, death?


III

Larissa Putnam is an ex-smoker. She is thankful to Eric:

“If I would have known how easy it was to quit smoking, I would have done it years ago. It is unbelievable how brainwashed I was during all these years. You have to try it to believe it - I'm so glad I did. Thanks a lot Eric, and congratulations!”

Eric Eraly is the author of Easy to Quit Smoking Method. Take a careful listen at his conspiracy theory:

“The main reason people fail to quit smoking (and why it took almost 23 years of smoking for me to learn this) is that from the time we were little children we have been lied to, and literally programmed by the powerful tobacco and pharmaceutical industries as well as the media to believe that we are heavily addicted and cannot quit. Between having you keep smoking, and, keep quitting, they have a vested interest in keeping you as a dying, sorry I mean paying, customer.”


IV

Yahoo Messenger chat between two desperate creatures.

Akumasihsunti: Are you smoking?
Jantanpower: Why? You don’t like smokers, ke?
Akumasihsunti: No, I like them. Well, I ‘smoke’ too. You know…
Jantanpower: You naughty bitch!
Akumasihsunti: Hehe. I think smokers are very sexy.
Jantanpower: Really?
Akumasihsunti: Oh yes. You must smell great. Especially kissing.
Jantanpower: Rileks lah beb… (Just relax, darling)
Akumasihsunti: Hihi... Er, can I ask you something, cik abang?
Jantanpower: What is it, cik adik?
Akumasihsunti: Is smoking haram?
Jantanpower: Is sex haram?
Akumasihsunti: LOL.

P.S. I quit smoking 27 days ago.