Tuesday, March 04, 2008
The Power of X
X. X. X.

The ‘X’es are everywhere, at every corner and public spot your eyes can possibly reach. No, they do not promote single X-rated pornography or the sequel of X-Files movies. Those banners and posters are meant to trigger your political senses to exercise your precious muscles to write the correct symbol during this upcoming General Election. On a ballot paper, an X symbolizes correct agreement and compromise. Well, I am so not politically opinionated, but shouldn’t they change the symbol to a TICK? I suppose, a tick means ‘YES, CORRECT!’ and an X means ‘NO, NOT CORRECT!” - correct?

As a child, when I looked at those political posters, I always thought that an X written next to a party’s logo meant ‘please don’t vote for another party’ or ‘please write an X to the opponent party’. Silly me. So, when I cast my vote for the first time, I found it weird to write an X next to my chosen party. Wasn’t it supposed to be a tick? Can I put a tick there? Hah? Spoilt vote? Thanks for telling me, Dad.


When I was a little boy, I remember joining the election campaign to woo the voters in my kampong. It was early in the morning of the Election Day. I was riding a bicycle cheerfully, going round and round into people’s houses. The old men and women were excited and ready for the battle. The catchy jingle of ‘Marilah mari, kita mengundi’ was heard almost non-stop through all the mainstream electronic media. The parties’ strong supporters kept exchanging words, jeering and cheering at each other. Name-calling seemed pertinent and excusable. There was a serious war between the Greens and the Blues. I was naïve and clueless of what was happening. But the whole pandemonium looked thrilling for me, as if I was in some kind of a circus carnival where stupid-looking clowns were using their utmost communicative skills to amuse the eager-looking passers-by.

“This is how you do it,” said a religious-looking man to a fragile lady, illustrating her on how to write an X in the correct box. He continued, “Do not ever write an X on another box, nanti masuk neraka (you will go to Hell!)”
“No, no, no. I am very old. Nak masuk syurga (I want to go to Heavan),” said the lady, looking so relaxed and proud.


Being one of the critical 300,000 Kelantanese outstation voters in Klang Valley, I am sure that my tiny hands are gigantically influential for the future path of my home state. With free transportation and all those hoping smiles from desperate faces, my existence must be one of the most sought-after in the universe. Hey people, I am not sure whether I am eligible to go to Heavan, but I am sure that I am eligible enough to go to the polling station this Saturday on my own, without any prince-like escort from those macho body guards or swaying little ladies of yours.

Oh, hello, I am pretty sure that I am NOT one of the phantom voters from Hell. My vote will definitely go straight to the Holy Ballot Box which will actually (and hopefully spiritually) determine the Heavanness or Hellishness of Kelantan for the next four or five years. Because my X matters and is powerful, correct? Not correct? Ah, whatever. Just X it, don’t tick it. And you will be part of this critically-debated power of democracy.

Happy ‘X’ing guys!

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mused by cekmi @ 6:50 PM  
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Fast & Faster
We have to fast
And we have to be fast
A lot faster and faster
So fast fast fast Cekmi

Fast in materializing your dreams
Fast in making yourself happy
Fast in doing things you want
Fast in preparing for Lebaran

So happy fasting guys.

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mused by cekmi @ 9:25 PM  
Friday, August 10, 2007
Queer Eyes
The spacious arena,
leaving him in a coliseum
The inspiring lanterns,
giving him the comfort of five-star hotel
The modern TV cum hi fi,
craving him for their worldly pleasure
The attached rest room,
inviting him to royal giveaways
The all-white study table,
bringing him the long-lost innocence
The dome-like windows,
presenting him a miraculous getaway

Oh yes!
That stunning view from the windows
The mother-nature sight he wants to dine
Things he always envisions in mind
Things brought by endless time
Ignored by humankind

He can see now
The wind smoothly dancing
The birds merrily chirping
The trees gently swaying
The leaves happily falling
The grass smilingly resting

A marvelous grace of unspeakable beauty
Cekmi’s new room with heavenly vista
A miracle of idyllic windows

Queer eyes for a straight room

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mused by cekmi @ 12:46 PM  
Monday, July 23, 2007
Jakpa’s Melancholy

Ain’t I gorgeous? Ha ha.

Hello there, dear bloggers. My name is Jakpa.

J-A-K-P-A.

I can’t believe that I spelled that for you, considering that I am actually illiterate, ha ha. Yes, that’s the Kelantanese term of endearment for my real name, Ja’far. I am 40 years old, and that’s quite contradictorily old for a cute-looking man like me, huh? Ha ha. Don’t worry. I may look physically-deficient, but I won’t bite you, InsyaAllah. Well, maybe I would if you call me orang gila, ha ha, because I am not at all like the person you might think of, judging from the way I look like, because I am just mentally challenged in certain ways. So, don’t ever call me orang gila, or something like that, ok? Ha ha.

Oh yes, right now, my home address is Kampung Binjal, Kangkong, 17000 Pasir Mas, Kelantan. Hmm, sounds familiar to you guys? Of course, it is Cekmi’s hometown. And here I am, talking to you in Cekmi’s blog using English language, as if I am a master’s degree holder in TESL, ha ha. Maybe I am as intellectually sound as Cekmi, or maybe Cekmi himself is mentally challenged who likes to impersonate other people, crazy people like me, ha ha. But, isn’t it good, to be able to use a high-powered tool of technology and to talk through a dynamic medium using a language of dignity and to communicate with educated people like you? Yes, you out there. And please don’t worry, I won’t bite you, ha ha.

Thank you for still listening to my rumblings even though you can easily bloghop to other people’s more attractive blogs. I know, most people despise me back in my own kampong because they treat me like orang gila, ops, sorry for the language, I mean they treat me so because I am a mentally-challenged person, yes, that’s the least of politically-correct term used by modern and polite city men these days. But I don’t mind to be referred to as a crazy man because it is easy and simple and conforms to uncomplicated laymen’s colloquial way of saying things in my kampong. And thank you Cekmi, for the time and space given here. I am so blessed with this opportunity, ha ha.


Aha, you might be still laughing over my haphazard look – that chicken-style hairdo, greasy facial complexion which has not been cleansed for days, red eyes which could be dangerously infectious, big nose, broken teeth with that sweet American smile, over-sized t-shirt given by a kind person who knows how to put me in style, worn-out trousers, stupid Japanese sandal, and there I was, posing weirdly like a little Hobbit ready to serve the Lord of the Ring, ha ha. You can still laugh, because I can enlighten your already-tired intelligence with my musings here.

You see, there are many other people out there in Pasir Mas who are like me, roaming around the town and village, entertaining people with our geniuses, telling them things they like to hear, making them happy out of our mentally-retarded personas. As for me, I would love to go to Cekmi’s house, meeting his father who would talk to me nicely, asking me how fine I am, and I would say that I am a bit starving, and I would look at Cekmi’s ever-friendly mother who would then offer me with all sorts of foods and drinks I could sleep the whole day with all the joy and love in the world. Once in a blue moon, I would see Cekmi’s presence in the house and I would ask him about his successful life in KL, but he would just smile and wouldn’t say much, and I perfectly understand that because I am not a master’s degree holder in TESL, ha ha.


I am thankful because I still have my parents around. They love me so much, and this is proven when they refused to send me to a place, a sort of concentration camp, where the likes of me would be there, where I wouldn’t have my own freedom to walk freely around kampong with my fashionable hairdo anymore, ha ha, where I wouldn’t have the comfort of visiting the friendly people in my kampong anymore, giving me foods and drinks all the time I could sleep the whole day, not giving a shit for the whole goddam thing, ha ha. Sorry for my poor language.

I think my parents understand me better than any other creatures in this world. For that, I am so richly blessed to have them as my parents who are proud of having me as their own son who couldn’t possibly be as normal as any other people’s sons, who brush their teeth and smile that American smile, go to a university, get a decent degree, marry a beautiful wife, rear dozens of kids, settle in a big house, drive the latest model of car and go to Tanjong Golden Village at KLCC on Sunday watching Harry Potter’s latest installment, ha ha. But my parents still love me even though I am not able to do all these so-called normal things, because I know I am also “normal” in certain ways and I am capable to do a lot more than those “normal” citizens in the world. And I know my parents love me for who I am, because I am a normal child of God.

I don’t know. I like to laugh and laugh and laugh, ha ha. This life is so amusing and funny. And you can laugh at me endlessly, because it is hard to hurt people already laughing and beyond you, ha ha.

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mused by cekmi @ 12:28 PM  
Monday, June 04, 2007
Tak Nak Lah.


I have four stories for you.


I

It was past midnight. X has been driving a car non-stop from KL to Kelantan. And he has been smoking non-stop from KL to Kelantan.
“Why are you smoking buddy?” his non-smoker friend asked him.
“It keeps me awake. I feel good.”
“But why? Aren’t you afraid of death?”
“Do you see that heavy-loaded truck?”
“Yes?”
“I could hit that truck if I don’t smoke.”
“Okay, I understand. Keep smoking.”
“And we could as well die if the driver of that truck decides to bang into us. And that would send both of us into the seventh heavan.”
“Point taken. Smoking does not kill. The truck does.”

Both of them have survived that long night.
The non-smoker, has.
The smoker too, hASS.


II

The Tobacco Man is counting his profits.

Well well well, I could make a lot of money in 30 years, the Tobacco Man says.

Can I have a deal with you, death?


III

Larissa Putnam is an ex-smoker. She is thankful to Eric:

“If I would have known how easy it was to quit smoking, I would have done it years ago. It is unbelievable how brainwashed I was during all these years. You have to try it to believe it - I'm so glad I did. Thanks a lot Eric, and congratulations!”

Eric Eraly is the author of Easy to Quit Smoking Method. Take a careful listen at his conspiracy theory:

“The main reason people fail to quit smoking (and why it took almost 23 years of smoking for me to learn this) is that from the time we were little children we have been lied to, and literally programmed by the powerful tobacco and pharmaceutical industries as well as the media to believe that we are heavily addicted and cannot quit. Between having you keep smoking, and, keep quitting, they have a vested interest in keeping you as a dying, sorry I mean paying, customer.”


IV

Yahoo Messenger chat between two desperate creatures.

Akumasihsunti: Are you smoking?
Jantanpower: Why? You don’t like smokers, ke?
Akumasihsunti: No, I like them. Well, I ‘smoke’ too. You know…
Jantanpower: You naughty bitch!
Akumasihsunti: Hehe. I think smokers are very sexy.
Jantanpower: Really?
Akumasihsunti: Oh yes. You must smell great. Especially kissing.
Jantanpower: Rileks lah beb… (Just relax, darling)
Akumasihsunti: Hihi... Er, can I ask you something, cik abang?
Jantanpower: What is it, cik adik?
Akumasihsunti: Is smoking haram?
Jantanpower: Is sex haram?
Akumasihsunti: LOL.

P.S. I quit smoking 27 days ago.

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mused by cekmi @ 2:43 PM  
Friday, March 02, 2007
My SHORT Tale

I am short.

Physically.

With only five-feet-and-three-inch tall, I am always subject to various situations of belittlement, embarrassment, and to certain extent, humiliation.

I still keep my application form for the position of a MAS steward
I keep refusing my friend's invitation to a modeling agency
I hate being in the middle of the standing crowd during any concerts at KLCC
I don't ask my students to stand up when answering my questions
I avoid being paired with any giraffe-like guys for class presentations
I don't usually walk side by side with my six-feet-tall friends

Adding to these insults and ridicules, I am always doomed to various unpleasant real-life associations.

Shortcomings are not welcome in any college projects
Shortsightedness is the sign of much dreaded aging
Shortcut scheme to rich and success is a disaster
Short-circuit is the curse for all KLians

Okay tall people, you can have a laugh now. I know, laughter is the best medicine. So keep laughing. Ha Ha Ha. Hi Hi Hi. Hu Hu Hu. Are you done? Okay now, short people, I have loads of good news for you. Take a look at these facts.

The SMSers use all sorts of short forms to save their fingers
The similes are used by bloggers to shortly show their feelings
The people's names are shortened as terms of endearments
The telegram is composed of as shortest sentences as possible
The shortcut road is used by smart drivers to minimise the hassles
The effective minutes of the meetings must be concise and short
The short-listed candidates for an interview are a lucky bunch
The shorthand is an essential skill for students and reporters

Moreover, in Malay cultures, the fact that someone is short can be a blessing.

The marriage will last longer if short men marry tall ladies
The kancil, in Malay classic bed-time stories, was intelligent and short
The old Malay folks used to say, "kecil-kecil cili padi..."

Besides, many successful individuals are mostly from the short community.

The linguistic lecturer I adore so much was very brilliant, and short too
The CEO of my company is very transparent, and short too
The Japanese are very genius, and short too
The hobbit who got that ring was cute, and short too
The America's Most Gorgeous Male Model is very handsome, and short too
(maybe their shortnesses make them strive more to compensate their shortcomings, uk?)

Linguistically, the English language is very happy to permit all sorts of amusing short forms.

WHO, CALL, ME, etc. - the products of acronyms
Enthuse, televise, liaise etc. - the products of backformations
Brunch, smog, motel, etc. - the products of blends
Math, bike, fax, etc. - the products of abbreviations
Burp, buzz, hiss, etc. - the products of onomatopoeia
(it is funny to realize that the terms 'abbreviations' and 'onomatopoeia' are two such long words for their short counterparts, isn't it?)

So, all the shorties around the world, being short is not that bad, uh?

*the roundest applause*

Thank you.

From a short lecturer.

(This post was originally published by cekmi at dannyhussainy.blogspot.com on March 7, 2005)

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mused by cekmi @ 12:21 PM  
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Freshman?


Really? Thank you students. I know that.

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mused by cekmi @ 1:28 PM  
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Cekmi, Twisted

Cekmi is going to travel
To a road less traveled
He is going to unravel
The world less unraveled

For he has no idea
What he is about to see
The steep mountains
The dangerous oceans
The deadly current
The suffocating space
The intoxicating hours
The bewildering tangle

Will he possibly handle the commotion?
Will he be able to accommodate the chaos?
Will he be strong enough to face the pain?
Will he ever be the cream of success?

He needs all the strength in the world
He needs a manly mind
He needs all the lucks
To face the hideous consequences
To tackle the mad catastrophe
To swallow the bitterness

But he will certainly take them all heroically
Turning them all into self-rewarding tests
Because he will be the Coffee Bean
Melting sweetly with aromatic charms
Bringing the best out of him
Making things deliciously happen
Turning everyone amazed
"Oh, what a great coffee we've got here!"
"Yes, he can do it!"

Because for the upcoming auspicious event
For the college’s third convocation ceremony
Cekmi is the Chosen One
He is the determinant Director!

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mused by cekmi @ 2:35 PM  
Monday, January 08, 2007
Hurt

Be extra prepared Cekmi
Who knows the moment
When they are coming to you
You might be badly hurt
Out of full preparedness

When being prepared is the best weapon
It’s this very weapon that kills you
When expecting the worst is the best defense
It’s this very defense that cheats on you
When sweet charm overwhelms you with joy
It’s this very joy that saddens you

When you least expect them
They come mercilessly
When they really come
It really hurts you

Like a sharp knife waiting to slice
Like a ladder falling on the ground
Like a deep hole calling for its prey
Like a dry leaf waiting to be tossed
Like a thunderstorm during the rain
Like a fragile egg broken into pieces
Like a fake lover leaving you helplessly

Yes dear Cekmi
It hurts

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mused by cekmi @ 10:41 AM  
Monday, January 01, 2007
Sad, Happy, Old, New, Year

Finishing my studies?
Unfulfilled

Getting a second car?
Unfulfilled

Moving to a better institution?
Unfulfilled

Completing another half of my happiness?
Unfulfilled

New Year’s Eve has finally landed
Has the Promised One been there for a new-year wish?

Another year has gone by
Will my dreams come true?

Good bye, Sad Old Year
Welcome, Happy New Year

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mused by cekmi @ 5:00 PM  
Thursday, December 21, 2006
If I Were A Father

If I were a father
I would buy him a castle
Pampering him lovingly
Making him an affluent son

If I were a father
I would teach him Queen English
Coaching him the pure impeccability
Making him an eloquent, affluent son

If I were a father
I would build the biggest library
Calling it Cekmi & Son’s MegaKnowledge
Making him a gifted, eloquent, affluent son

If I were a father
I would construct a lake garden for us
Taking us to the beautiful unfounded land
Making him a poetic, gifted, eloquent, affluent son

If I were a father
I would call him Ilham Iskandar
Ilham, The Inspired
Iskandar, The Great

If I were a father lah..

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mused by cekmi @ 3:21 PM  
Monday, October 09, 2006
When I Think of Ramadan

When I think of Ramadan
I think of the elaborate buka puasa feasts
The glaring food it showcases
The lust it accumulates
The fat it generates

When I think of Ramadan
I think of the buka puasa places
The hungry-to-death crowd
The crazy pandemonium
The hurry-up aura

When I think of Ramadan
I think of the buka puasa moments
The I-could-a-horse faces
The energetic eyes
The active noses

When I think of Ramadan
I think of the buka puasa friends
The sharing moments
The amusing laughter
The happy smiles

When I think of Ramadan
I think of the buka puasa blessings
The foods, of course
But most of all
The precious friends

p/s thanks Himitsu & Grey for livening up these moments again

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mused by cekmi @ 4:41 PM  
Monday, September 18, 2006
Partially Happy
A thousand million smile (Pic: Courtesy of Cekya)

His day was celebrated
His blogsahabats were celebrating
His days have been full of celebrations

The lucky man was me

Do I look happier?
Do I look more glowing?
Why is my cheek a little shinier?
Why is my smile a little cuter?

I think I started my 30s life so energetically
The momentum has been moving so drastically

The secret of partial happiness?

I’ll tell you later.
















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mused by cekmi @ 2:58 PM  
Thursday, March 30, 2006
M! The Opera

(before the show…)

M was for Magical
M was for Monumental
M was for Malaysiana

(during the show…)

M was for… were they Miming?
M was for Melodrama
M was for Miraculous voices

(during intermission…)

M was for 15-Minute break?
M was for the Muse of the Music
M was for the Method of Madness

(and in the end…)

M was for Mesmerizing fashion
M for Magical Moments
M for …. eh kau Mimpi ke? (my friend is sleeping)

~Adapted from “Blog of An Executive Producer – Sunita Rajakumar”

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mused by cekmi @ 5:31 PM  
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
SMS
A: SMS Supporter
B: SMS Skeptic
_________________________________________

A: It’s fun and easy!
B: mmmm....
A: I bet you will release all the tension.
M: Sure or not?
A: Sure lah! And it’s affordable too.
B: hmm…?
A: It costs only RM50
B: Whoa!!
A: Come on, it is well known.
B: Really? Eh, why is it so gloomy?
A: So that you’ll be more relaxed.
B: Eh, traditional?
B: Memanglah…
A: Now, choose!
B: Hah!?
A: Choose who do you like?
B: What for?
A: Ish! You must know the person.
B: Does it make any difference?
A: Of course!
B: For a Short Massage Service?

Or should we call it a Short Melacur Service? Son of a bitch!
_________________________________________

Post-script:- Talking about SMS, I received a real cute Ass Am Ass from a friend of mine:

Life is difficult
Full of trials
Sorrow
Pain
But if you fall down
Just stand up straight
Be confident
And say…
“Kurang ajar, sapa tolak?!”

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mused by cekmi @ 10:22 AM  
cekmi's world

Meet cekmi – a confused Kelantanese man who is continuously amused by his blurry budu past and his modern chopstick life. As he moves further up towards his worldly pursuit, he moves even closer down to his original state of buduness. These are his budu tales.
cekmi's ramblings
cekmi's treasures
cekmi's jewels
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