Monday, April 14, 2008 |
Filling in an Empty Cup |
 I have successfully moved from KL to JB and I am currently taking a great deal of laborious efforts to fulfill my newly-found life with beautiful R&B songs and delicious cheese cakes. But before that actually happens, I had to undergo several painful procedures of moving out and moving in. One proven fact for many, moving to a new place can be deadly nerve-cracking. PackingFirstly, packing demands a delirious attention to tiring details. The following statistics on the number of Cekmi’s packed boxes might possibly prove this point. Office: 4 Wardrobe: 5 Study room: 4 Bedroom: 4 Kitchen: 9 Bathroom: 2 Living Hall: 4 Miscellaneous: 1 Total number of boxes: 33 Yes, you read it right – 33 boxes. It was like asking Superman to lift the whole house.  Packing is a truly strenuous affair. It requires a major spring cleaning that could shock you with unexpected findings. Packing indeed amused me with the discovery of unwanted paraphernalia – mountains of old movie tickets, packs of lovey-dovey greeting cards, broken collections of cute little tokens of remembrance, crumpled sets of fancy paper bags – all hidden comfortably around inaccessibly covered space. I threw them all into a giant waste plastic bag. After 24 hours of packing, I managed to compartmentalize all the household bits and pieces into 33 boxes. With the assistance of two professional men, I uploaded them on a two-tonne lorry which would carry them directly to JB. It took me 4 hours of skilled driving to reach my new house in Taman Universiti. But it took 11 hours for the slow lorry to reach there. It was almost midnight – the neighbours might probably be sleeping soundly on their beds, but the men managed to unload the boxes quietly and effectively without anyone around the neighbourhood screaming madly at us, thanks to my organised numbering system of packaging. To unpack the boxes in the middle of the night was not a good idea. So, I spent my first night in my new house sleeping among those gigantic 33 boxes. Unpacking
Mess was all around and I was all alone. It was maddening and suffocating. I did not know where to start. Patience. This word kept my sanity in check during the mind-boggling tasks of unpacking. At times, I felt like giving up and kept questioning myself on why I had to do all these crazy tasks alone, or why I had to move out in the first perspective. Thanks to wise Cekmi, I managed to get things in perspective again. Thinking very hard out of the box, I pushed myself diligently to get things out of the 33 boxes. I did it single-mindedly, motivating myself by visualizing a complete sweet home in JB, picturing myself having a good life here, happily watching good Korean dramas, cheerfully sipping a good cup of Nescafe, savouring my independence and emancipation.  One basic challenge that tested my patience was dealing with difficult people to handle few basic things in the house – reinstalling Astro, resetting up air-conditioner, changing the uncivilized toilet door, putting power sockets in two rooms, rebuilding the flood-prone parking lot, and fixing streamix. However, my landlord has been particularly helpful when it comes to fine tuning the house. He is like Mr. Muscle who would come to my rescue when I need a correct detergent. After days of clogged energy and sweat, I finally completed the house with five specialized sections – living hall, kitchen, bedroom, wardrobe and study room. With this swift accomplishment, I finally laid a comfortable foundation called home. I could have taken things slowly and easily, but I always have this speedy over-heated passion for a speedy completion. I just couldn’t stop getting things done and ready quickly so that I can immediately start focusing on other important things in my professional life. Having to go through these drills made me sickly thrilled but I was viciously satisfied once the tasks were triumphed. This major task of moving has drained my energy that, to certain extent, I felt like a mentally-challenged person released from a mental asylum. Having to cope with difficult situations required a little extra amount of persistence and composure. Keeping this attitude in balance proved worthwhile for me because after each fulfilled task, I strangely felt like a newly-born man, being supplied with a new Superman power that kept me flying and flying. It has been two weeks and I am happy with what I have done to my new private domain. But the cup is still half-full. I have a lot more to fill in.
Labels: cekmi's hard times |
mused by cekmi @ 10:32 AM |
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Wednesday, February 20, 2008 |
My Amazing Race |
You have made it, Collin and Adrian!
Well done!
As the champion of the second Amazing Race Asia, they are truly my heroes. Their excellent performances were of high quality and simply amazing. Despite Adrian’s hearing disabilities, this was not an issue that could deter their determination to succeed and to beat the ever-cocky Philipino boys. That was, from the-disabled-versus-the-able perspective, really symbolically historic.
As I am still weeping over their triumph, I can closely look at my life now, which has been into such an amazing race on its own.
My Amazing Job-hunting Race.
Really, there have been a tremendous amount of roadblocks and detours along this race. I have embarked on a rough race – I have run, stumbled, crouched, crawled, and run again, enduring all the required pain to complete the finishing line. It all started after my graduation in mid-2007. Equipped with a painfully-sought academic qualification and six years of teaching experience, I was ready to start the race against public and private universities around Malaysia.
Here I come!
However, there was one big problem. I didn’t have, er, a resume. Unbelievable, wasn’t it? Do you guys revise your resume regularly? Not me. Being a senior and having worked comfortably for more than six years, I didn’t remember where I kept my resume. It was so ironic for a Business Communication lecturer, who teaches students on how to write a resume, not to have one. Hehe.
So with great energy and deep enthusiasm, I created a newly updated resume with polished details and sent it to almost all public and private universities in Malaysia. As I was waiting for the first call of interview, I was shaking and nervous and scared. Just imagine, after being so complacent for six years, you will have to be evaluated and assessed again. It is not easy to be taken down to the root again after you have established and enjoyed certain status-quo.
The ‘proceedings’ had finally come. I was called for several interviews.
ONE
My inaugural interview was at Universiti Putra Malaysia in late November 2007. Three senior ladies conducted the session. They looked daunting, but strangely enough, I was more than relaxed to answer their questions. I was later deemed overqualified since the position offered was only a contract language teacher, which would not suit my master’s degree. However, I convinced them that I was ready for the ‘downgrade’ because I just wanted to teach in a university even though I had to outdo my own qualification. I was desperate, wasn’t I?
TWO
The second interview followed a week after the first interview. I drove my car all the way to Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, Skudai, Johor and took an emergency leave. There were four candidates and I was the only male candidate. That would me my winning point, I thought, considering the gender quota. Haha. And this really boosted my confidence to win them over. In the interview room, there were three vulnerable interviewers who were about to be ‘swallowed’ by my actions. They asked me to conduct a mock teaching and I did this as professionally and hilariously as possible. It was a real fun because all of the interviewers really acted like ‘crazy students’. In the end, they said that I was too energetic. I think it was a compliment.
THREE
2008 started extremely well for me. Universiti Putra Malaysia called me again in the middle of January for a second interview. This time around, I had to sit before the Vice Chancellor, which scared me to death. After waiting for more than one hour, I was ushered into a gloomy and cold-looking room and seated in front of the top three management officers in UPM. They asked me several general questions which, quite unexpectedly, were far easier than what I had anticipated. It took only five minutes. The last comment from the Vice Chancellor was, “Oh Hilmi, I have a lot of friends in Pasir Mas too.” I just smiled. I learnt later that the Vice Chancellor is a Kelantanese.
FOUR
At the end of January, I received a letter from Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, offering me a second interview. This was the toughest interview of all. As it was a group interview, I was put together with other four candidates. The interview room was tense as I was continuously inundated with threatening questions from six members of the Office of Deputy Vice Chancellor, including the Deputy Vice Chancellor herself. Yes, the Deputy VC was a lady, an iron lady who knew how to put some real ‘actions’ during the interview. Her presence was deadly intimidating. She was like a hungry lion that could eat you raw and alive. Overall, it was quite a humiliating experience for me. I was terribly shaking and even considered to call it a quit.
FIVE
My fifth interview came from the International Islamic University Malaysia, my very own university. The date of this interview clashed with the previous interview at UTM, which I thought was an ironic coincidence. I wanted to cancel this interview because, if I were to make a choice, I would prefer UTM over IIUM (what a traitor!). However, the sweet officer in IIUM managed to reschedule my interview session and postponed it a day after my interview in UTM. Reaching IIUM early in the morning, I was tired since I had just gone through a battle with a hungry lion in UTM. Fortunately, the IIUM interview went so easily. Of course, the interviewers were my beloved ex-lecturers. Haha.
SIX
The race continued when Swinburne University (Kuching Branch) called me for a tele-interview. This interview was conducted barely a day after my interview in IIUM. Yes, I had three interviews in three days, in a row! Having these three interviews consecutively really wore me out. However, the tele-interview session with Swinburne University proved something worthwhile. I had never been interviewed on the telephone and I am still bewildered over the integrity of this type of interview which does not take visible body languages into account. So this interview must be very unique. All the three interviewers were Aussies who posed challenging questions to me. I was breathless for 40 minutes. It was quite surprising because most of the question were about my research. I had never known that a private university could be so much interested in research. At this point, I thought, working in Sarawak looked somewhat rewarding too.
SEVEN
The most recent interview that I was supposed to attend to was at Universiti Malaysia Terengganu. It is a newly-established university. So, getting a position there is surely promising since I could be one of the pioneers. But, due to some inevitable reasons, I rejected the offer.
Haha, isn’t tiring listening to my interview ramblings? I am tired too. Sometimes I just wish that I don’t have to go through this painful process. Life during these mind-boggling interviews was precarious. I was gripped with insecurity and uncertainties. My fate lay in so many unseen hands in various registrars’ offices in different universities. I was clueless, just like Helen Keller. I might not be blind and deaf like her, but at this moment, I was like being surrounded by a dense fog near the sea, not being able to see and hear what was coming. I could barely hear the sounds of faraway ships, but they sounded so distant and I was not sure which direction they were heading to. They might not possibly see me because I was hidden in that dense fog.
Until one afternoon, I sensed the approaching ship, when I saw a letter on my desk. I opened it and read:
TAWARAN JAWATAN PENSYARAH UNIVERSITI TEKNOLOGI MALAYSIA Labels: cekmi's hard times |
mused by cekmi @ 12:01 PM |
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007 |
Strolling for a Scroll |

It is not easy to graduate with flying colours, is it?
When I started my master’s degree program on a part-time basis in November 2003, I had not anticipated that the journey would be a long and tough one. It indeed required high self-motivation, self-discipline and personal sacrifice to master the art of juggling between excessive workload in the office and the demanding nature of the master’s study. First and foremost, I had to release some of the administrative positions in the college in order to concentrate on my studies (so long to all the privileges and luxuries I had previously enjoyed). Second, I had to lower my status as a post-graduate student by attending, not one but, six under-graduate classes. Since my first degree was in Political Science, I had to complete these under-graduate subjects as a basic requirement to qualify me for a current program in TESL. It was a weird environment, learning together with those freshmen, and going through all the hassles as a sophomore (luckily they hardly noticed my humble existence, thanks to my boyish character).
The field of the study was my own choice, not my family’s nor brother’s (Thank God!). It was fun at the beginning. In fact, learning how to teach English as a second language and, at the same time, teaching English to my students at the college were extremely exciting. Learning was so rewarding that I managed to score a flat CGPA of 4.000 during the first semester of my post-graduate studies. I had never been so proud of myself. What a way to start!
Completing undergraduate subjects was easy, especially Phonetics and Phonology, my favorite subject. It was my pleasure sitting together with those eager and creative students. At times, I was intellectually amused that they learned those subjects at their early age. Seeing these language students learning literature made me even more jealous since I never had a chance to learn it formally during my fresh days (I once vowed to myself to register for a literature course one day).
After passing these under-graduate subjects, I had to complete ten master subjects, the real post-graduate subjects. It was a completely new direction for me since I was not an English graduate. Despite all the troubles, learning English at a higher level was academically and linguistically fulfilling. The lecturers and classmates were fun and helpful. We were like a family. I looked forward to going to afternoon classes. It was thrilling to find myself teaching English in the morning and learning English in the afternoon. What a bizarre combination! And I managed to complete all the subjects and coursework rather gracefully in 2005, with a final CGPA of 3.566. Alhamdulillah.
But that’s not all. Here comes the hardest part of my study – the thesis writing,
As a matter of fact, I could have avoided writing a thesis had I opted to a Comprehensive Examination. However, based on various professors’ (and my brother’s!) professional recommendations, I chose a tougher option - writing. They strongly claimed that research writing would prove that I was a true academician who would secure a first-class place in a university. Luckily, it seemed fit to my life plan. Therefore, I followed their advice, not knowing what price that I had to pay afterwards. Because the subsequent consequences were almost unbearable.
To begin with, thesis writing has cost me a lot of physical and mental energy. I was slowly drained by the powerful force it demanded from me. Frankly, it took me one year and a half just to complete a research proposal. The final draft sent to my supervisor was the eighth draft! Yes, my supervisor has been tediously fussy. She meticulously checked into every single detail of the proposal. But in some aspects, she was not that demanding actually. Knowing that I was working, she let me do my research work independently. Most of the time, I took my own sweet time finishing the thesis only later to realize that time had flown so rapidly. There were times when I couldn’t discipline myself anymore. Studying sometimes seemed like a big burden that I wished I didn’t start it at all in the first place. I was lost in the middle of urban enjoyment and metropolitan disillusions.
I experienced a terrible angst when I was at the university’s 22nd Convocation Ceremony last year. When I saw my own classmates graduating with honours, I felt a strong pang of envy and panic, and I saw myself leaping to a complete doom. It was supposed to be my graduation day too, I was telling myself repetitiously. What happened to me? I should be there too, walking on the stage, receiving scroll, receiving feel-good greetings from family and friends. But there I was, strolling lazily on the walks of disaster, stranded among the academic fools. Truly, I was damn jealous of those graduates, that I felt like I could take out a gun, pull a trigger and kill them randomly. Like a giant slap onto my face, it was dawned to me that I had to do something for my abandoned study.
I thereafter became more determined to take my study more seriously when thinking of those stuffs that I had dreamed of, that I would potentially achieve after getting my master’s degree – better career, better monetary returns, better life! I am even considering to join my brother’s university in Sabah (Things are ironically good between my brother and I recently). Alternatively, I would join any public university, get a decent academic position with a better pay, get a good bondage agreement, and apply for a fulltime Ph.D program overseas. I would not do it on a part-time basis anymore because it has been so tiring and sickening. I didn’t want to be in the hell anymore (hell me!).
So, with this determination, I gained my composure again, locked myself up, sacrificing most the weekends putting together all the puzzles and mysteries of my thesis, putting aside all the administrative fuss in the college, and casting away all the candy invitations from friends. I just wanted to make sure that I would be one of the graduates in the next 23rd Convocation Ceremony. This year. Truly, I had promised to myself that I would make it this time around, that I would not slip again.
And things looked a little brighter recently. I have proudly completed the thesis and submitted it to a second reader for final evaluation. “Am I on the right track, Professor?” I asked my supervisor. “Don’t worry Cekmi, you’ll complete your thesis in eight weeks’ time. And of course, you’ll graduate this August!”
Wow. My supervisor sounded so optimistic. I wish her words would come true. Thinking of this possibility made me feel so jubilated. After such a long painful time, I could now envision myself receiving the scroll.
And I could imagine my friends lining up after the convocation, proudly waiting to say the much-awaited mantra:
“Congratulations on your graduation Cekmi!” Labels: cekmi's hard times |
mused by cekmi @ 3:55 PM |
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Tuesday, October 03, 2006 |
Past Tense |
Our past history can be so dark, and ironically, it gets darker when our lives get brighter. As I dug the details of my past, it seemed to be more horrible than what I actually went through. And so it happened to me again last Friday.
I went to Menara Celcom to have my prepaid migrated to minutes postpaid plan. As I parked my car at the most horrible parking lot in the world, I was smilingly thinking of the prospects of post-paid services as compared to the prepaid ones – more voice calls, more free SMSes, cheaper call rate, and save more. It is just like what Maya Karin keeps asking in Celcom ad, “Lebih apa lagi?” She is right. “With Celcom Postpaid, you always get MORE”. Okay, I am going to do it right now.
As I was sitting at the counter, the customer service officer smiled at me. “How can I assist you, Sir?” she said politely. “I would like to register for minutes postpaid plan.” “Did you register with any network provider before?” “Yes, I once registered with Maxis in 2002 and I terminated the line two years ago. I am sure there is no outstanding balance and I am definitely free from any debts. You know, I am a good paymaster” I said so proudly and confidently. The officer looked at me expressionlessly and said in a monotonous tone, “Why don’t you fill up this form first while I am checking you records.” I smiled since I know there would be no problem.
After several minutes, my perspective towards my history was about to change. “Sir, have you ever registered with a line besides Maxis?” the female officer asked me rather innocently. “Er…” I began to get panicked. “I don’t think so, why?” “In our record, it shows that you once had a 013 number in 2001 and it was terminated by Celcom in 2002. And it seems that there is an outstanding balance.” Outstanding balance? That was ridiculous! It must be a mistake. That couldn't possibly be me! Who was that bastard!? Could you please check again, dear officer? Helllooooo!!! Are you listening to me? I tried to act cool and asked her, “How much?” “RM543.30”
There you go.
I couldn’t believe with what I had just heard. That I did such an ugly thing in the past. That I was such an awful customer. That I was so careless. So stupid.
I guiltily excused myself and went out of the building immediately. I sat on a bench outside and started having aggressive intrapersonal communication with myself. Ashamed and offended, I practiced self-comfort as I was recollecting any hints from the past that led to the unexpected debt. I was thinking real hard, looking for sound explanations. I couldn’t remember anything related to this. What have I done in the past? Was I that bad? No way! Cekmi is a good guy. He is perfect. Yes. But... could he be wrong this time? Wait a minute...
For one terrible moment, I was struck with all the dreadful details of my past life. Apparently, this was not the first nightmarish monetary experience ever happened to me. In fact, there has been a chain of such occurrences. Let’s start with two.
1. My car loan was rejected due to a shocking reason – I had a bad record with one bank. I found out later that my cousin had, without my knowledge, sold my ex-motorbike to a stranger and that particular stranger soon disappeared together with the motorbike. He never paid the installment. It was my mistake – I did not the change the motorbike’s ownership before I sold it to my cousin. And up until now, the debt is still on my shoulder. My cousin refused to be accountable for what happened. My cousin and I never speak again to each other after that incident, not even during last five Hari Rayas. Practically, we are not cousins anymore. For my current car, I am using my sister’s name. 2. My personal loan with Bank Islam was rejected because, as a guarantor for my friend’s loan at the same bank, there seemed to be a certain amount of debt accumulated by my friend. Unless I had paid all her debt, I wouldn’t get my personal loan. She paid anyway at last after being forcefully persuaded by me, and I finally got my personal loan, but it was the results of months of emotional agony and mental suffering.
After some time, I thought I wanted to cancel the postpaid registration, run away freely and forget about the whole thing – the debt with Celcom particularly. But, after much consideration, I convinced myself that I should not be irresponsible. I should settle this immediately before it starts haunting my life here and there. Sooner or later, it would come back to me again, in a much more horrifying face. Even though the causes of such debt were still mysterious, I did not want to prolong this newly discovered debt. No matter who or what did to me in the past, the past financial experiences have been almost unbearable. It was enough. The bearer of the debt would still be Cekmi, no matter who the culprit was (and it could be me!). So, I decided to settle the payment.
“Sir, we have a 40 percent discount for an old debt like this,” the lady officer said. I was pleasantly surprised and asked her about the newly discounted amount. “It is RM326.28.” Good.
Welcome to Celcom. It’s in your hands.
Labels: cekmi's hard times |
mused by cekmi @ 9:23 AM |
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