| Friday, November 09, 2007 |
| Nutty English |
We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
When couldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine,
But the plural of vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
But I give a boot--would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and plural is these,
Why shouldn't the plural of kiss be called kese?
Then one may be that, and three may be those,
Yet the plural of hat would never be hose;
We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
So our English, I think you will all agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see.
I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it's said like bed, not bead;
For goodness' sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat.
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt.)
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there.
And dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there's close and rose and lose--
Just look them up--and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Why, man alive,
I'd learned to talk it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I tried,
I hadn't learned it at fifty-five! Labels: cekmi's linguistic fever |
| mused by cekmi @ 5:55 PM |
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| Friday, June 15, 2007 |
| Language Anxiety |
Alhamdulillah. Despite all the administrative bullshit in the university (which I will deal later), I managed to submit my thesis for formatting and binding. Soon enough, I will be a proud holder of a master’s degree in Teaching of English as a Second Language.
Let me show you today some of the findings of my research. The dissertation centres on language anxiety, one of the deep-rooted issues in second language acquisition.
Yes, it is the question of how anxious you are when learning English. Like this.
   
Haha. So much for the fear.
Okay, one of the research questions was to investigate the potential sources of language anxiety. To do this, I selected 20 first-year Malay students of my own college, whom I approached and interviewed individually. The responses were unforgettably overwhelming.
The interview session, I suppose, was one of the most interesting and enjoyable stages in my research, due to the fact that I managed to get the voluntary responses from the ‘lucky’ students. They were in fact more than willing to share their feelings and anxieties quite openly. And they didn’t mind me snapping their pictures after the interviews. How ‘anonymous’! Look at some of these cheerful faces:
   Oh, they were holding their tokens of appreciation that I gave after the interviews – e.g. lollipops! They were not really expensive, but I suppose, lollipops symbolize love and warmth, that hopefully could ease their level of anxieties. And of course, they are cute, aren't they?
Now, back to the findings. I found out that personal and interpersonal anxieties were the most common sources of anxiety cited by the students, making up 70% of the responses. These sources include, among others:
Fear of negative social evaluation
Fear of failure
Perceived proficiency
Communication apprehension
Competitiveness
Clueless? All right then. To see these fear factors more clearly, let us explore into one of those exclusive interviews. (The following interview was conducted in Malay and loosely translated into English).
Date : March 6, 2007
Time : 2.00 – 2.15 p.m.
Venue : International Islamic College, Kuala Lumpur
R: Researcher
S: Student
R: Are you afraid of learning English language?
S: Yes. I am really afraid.
R: Why?
S: I am afraid that what I say will be misunderstood by others.
R: How does it happen?
S: Whenever the lecturer asks me to present in class, I will feel so nervous. I don’t know how to organise my ideas in English.
R: Are you afraid that you do not understand what other people say in English?
S: Not really. I just feel nervous when I want to speak.
R: Have you avoided a situation that requires you to use English?
S: Yes. I used to skip English classes. I just pretend that I am sick. Whenever I see my English lecturer, I will avoid her. I am scared that I couldn’t answer her questions in English. I am really scared.
R: Is your English very poor?
S: Yes. Very poor. My lecturer said that my English is okay. But I think it is very poor. I am not confident when using English.
R: Are you afraid of being laughed at?
S: Yes. I will feel so embarrassed. I always wonder why my lecturer does not ask other smarter students. I am so scared when my lecturer asks me something in class.
R: Do you like learning environment where there is no one to judge you?
S: No. I want to learn English. But I don’t like being humiliated in class. Sometimes, the teacher makes me feel that I am always at fault.
R: Do you like learning English with your friends?
S: Yes, I do. There will be lots of ideas. I don’t mind studying with them.
R: Is there any competition among you and your friends?
S: Sometimes, we compare our results. When I get low marks, I feel so down. In last mid-term exam, I thought I could get higher marks, but I didn’t score. All my efforts seemed useless.
R: Does it worry you when you are asked to read aloud in class?
S: Yes. When my lecturer asks me to read aloud, I am worried that I will make mistakes in pronunciation. People will laugh at me when I make mistakes.
R: Are you afraid of your final exam grades?
S: Yes. Everything must be answered in English. I am so poor in grammar. I am not sure how to write. I just could not accept the fact that I am still weak in English.
R: Does it worry you that the class is conducted in English?
S: Yes. I am so afraid to respond to my lecturer.
R: Have you ever thought of failure?
S: Yes. In fact, I am thinking about it all the time. I am so scared that I will fail this paper. I couldn’t accept this failure. I don’t feel like doing it again. I used to cry thinking about this.
R: Is learning English very important for you?
S: Yes. It is important for my future employment.
R: Are you afraid of making mistakes in English?
S: Yes. I am afraid of making mistakes in English. I am not supposed to make mistakes. It is not right. For me, I must be correct all the time. Otherwise, people will laugh at me.
R: How do see your progress in your English class?
S: I think my English level remains the same. It has not improved at all. I am not satisfied with this. I am so disappointed with my marks.
R: Are you close with your lecturer?
S: Yes. I always ask her in class. She recognizes me by name. She always asks me to read aloud. My friends usually laugh at me, but she understands my problem. She never laughs at my mistakes. She is so sporting.
R: Is she important in your learning?
S: Yes, very much. She can correct my mistakes and teach me more about grammar. It can be embarrassing sometimes, but it is okay because I can learn something. If I study alone, I would never know if I make any error.
R: Does anxiety affect your language learning?
S: Yes.
R: What do you do to reduce this anxiety?
S: During an oral presentation, for example, I just pretend that there is no one in the class. I want to see only my lecturer’s face. If someone asks me a question, I imagine that the question comes from my lecturer’s mouth.
R: Do your parents support your studies?
S: Yes. They encourage me to study harder especially English course. I used to learn English with my brothers and sisters.
R: What can the college do to improve this situation?
S: There should be a campaign that can motivate students to speak English more confidently.
R: What else should you do?
S: I should read more and try to speak English with my friends.
** interview ends **
Now tell me honestly dear readers, are you afraid of English language? Come and be one of my subjects.
Labels: cekmi's linguistic fever |
| mused by cekmi @ 10:34 AM |
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| Tuesday, January 30, 2007 |
| sandWISH |
 I was walking past the students' food stalls two days ago when I spotted a very interesting sign: SANDWISH Are you selling sand that can wish? A wish made of sand? Wishing sand? Okay give me one sandwish O my sandwish... I wish I were 19 (so that I can be a stupid teen auditioning for Akademi Fantasia) Suddenly I came back to reality Disappointed, I saw the sandwiSH turned out to be a dull sandwiCH I was perplexed and going nuts. How amusing the seemingly petty error in spelling could be, that it could fool my perception, that it has driven me crazy. Perhaps, the possible answers might be more insane. And these are my students' oral responses when asked about few simple things. Me: Where are you studying? Students: colleSH Me: What is the antonym for 'poor'? Students: riSH So what on earth is the letter 'G' doing in 'colleGe'? So what on earth is the letter 'C' doing in 'riCh'? Perhaps, the pronunciation error breeds the spelling error in 'sandwiSh'. So people, waTCH out our mouths and tongues when we want to MEAN things (so that we don't mean the things that we don't want to mean). Television that we waSH And clothes that we waTCH? Thieves that we caSH And money that we caTCH? Potatoes that we maTCH And pictures that we maSH? A girl who goes to biTCH And a sex maniac who goes for a beaCH? Or hoping to be a wiSH so that you can grant a wiTCH? Poor me I am an EngliTCH teaSHer
(and I am crazy for a sandwiSH now...)
(This post was originally published by cekmi at dannyhussainy@blogspot.com on February 21, 2005) Labels: cekmi's linguistic fever |
| mused by cekmi @ 10:53 AM |
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| Monday, January 15, 2007 |
| Let Me Compaire & Contrust! |
.jpg) “Making errors while learning English is okay, as long as you learn from your errors.” That is what I shall tell my students when they regularly make, what they call as, stupid mistakes when speaking or writing in English. It is okay students, I will kindly comfort and motivate them. Errors are inevitably natural. Second language learners are bound to commit many “irresistible” errors. Besides, I constantly remind them with this so-called Cekmi’s happy-learning philosophy: “Don’t be embarrassed, students. Enjoy your errors. Make jokes with them. Laugh at them. Come on, it won’t harm you. It is healthy. Don’t be so serious, baby. Smile. Yes. Like me now. Hmmm. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, right? Okay, except when you are asthmatic.” Har. Har. Har. Yes indeed. I always laugh at my students’ errors, well of course warmheartedly, not contemptuously. Their errors have never failed to be the ongoing source of fun, enjoyment and amusement for me as a language teacher. For me, this is one of the “blessings” being a never-get-angry academician – to laugh. Of course, they do entertain me and always put a big gentle smile on my already-cute face, especially when I mark their essays. Usually, people around me will show their are-you-crazy looks when they see me chuckling alone while marking students’ essays.  To illustrate, take a friendly look at these spelling errors in their essay writing, and be ready to be intellectually marveled by their feel-good ridiculousness and eye-catching creativity. You can guest who the guess is. You look familir. I like that restourant. He is my freind. They put too much mayonist. I don’t like that arrangment. I like riding a bysickle. The children were tourched. They are very famouse. KFC has its own masscord. They advitise it on TV. The submittion of our assingment is today. Sunddenly, I heard a cry. The wheather changes everyday. It is becouse of him. You must be carefull, exspecially on road. I fell sleeppy. I want to by that henfon. They want to atrack children. I want to prepair for exam. This is the conclution. I recomand this food. The food is very cheep. They appretiate their customers. There are tree causes of smoking. Goverment should take some percaution. The car goes trought the tunnel. Students like to realize tenssion. I saw you went I when to KL. The traffic light dit not opporate. Your corporation is highly epriciated. It happend asspecially on road. I leave in Gombak. The bodi is not stabil. I was thingking of that girl. It was very dengeres. I want to compaire and construst two celebrities. The road is craudate. It was flood sesson. I like chiken. This is the verhical. There are varius types of cars. You must cheak you car. Last but not list, road system. We always selebrate our anibesary. Nice to meat you. I don’t no. I am week in grammer. You must imporve your Inglish. Did I hear someone laughing? Labels: cekmi's linguistic fever |
| mused by cekmi @ 4:51 PM |
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| Monday, February 13, 2006 |
| Business English |
Mistakes and miscommunication are everywhere. So don’t worry and enjoy these civilized imperfections around the world:
In a launderette:
• Drop your pants here for best results.
• Please remove your clothes when the light goes out.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
In a restaurant:
• Special – Chicken $4.00, Beef $5.00, Children $3.00
• Best sandwish in town – Buy three free one.
• Secret Recipe: Special today – no ice cream.
• Our coffee leaves you nothing to hope for.
In a zoo:
• Elephant please stay in your car.
• Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
• The river is inhabited by crocodiles. Swimming is prohibited. Survivors will be prosecuted.
In a hospital:
• No children allowed in the maternity ward.
• Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an airline ticket office:
• We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In an office bulding:
• Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
In advertisement columns:
• Wanted – man to take care of cow that does not smoke.
In a car rental centre:
• Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you’ll never go anywhere again.
In a jewellery shop:
• Out of business. Thanks to our customers.
In a repair shop:
• We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door – the bell doesn’t work.)
In a toy shop:
• Doll: Laugh while you throw up.
In antique shop:
• A desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
In a swap shop:
• We exchange anything – bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?
Illiterate? Write today for help.
Labels: cekmi's linguistic fever |
| mused by cekmi @ 11:00 AM |
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| Friday, January 06, 2006 |
| Political Correctness |
For badmouths out there, take a listen to this very carefully…
If you think you are so clever, don’t call me stupid
‘Knowledge-based nonpossessor’ sounds better
If you think you are so committed, don’t call me lazy
‘Motivationally-deficient’ sounds cooler
If you think you are so sane, don’t call me crazy
‘Mentally-challenged’ sounds kinder
If you think you are so tall, don’t call me short
‘Vertically-challenged’ sounds friendlier
If you think you are so rich, don’t call me poor
‘Financially-deprived’ sounds nicer
You see, people do respect each other these days
And you see, people also name each other so courteously
Even those who collect garbage are called ‘sanitary engineers’
Even those who are jobless are called ‘involuntarily-leisured’
Even those who spray insecticide are called ‘pest control officers’
Even those who handle clerical works are called ‘junior executives’
Even those who perform orang gaji thingy are called 'housekeepers'
And even toilets have their own decent positions in our society
(Excuse me bro, now you can rest your intelligence in a restroom)
Now, what would you call this man in a special chair?
Orang Kurang Upaya? OKU?
Come on guys, learn to be more politically correct, more euphemistic, and less discriminatory. I thought Malay language is so full of berlapikness, but OKU?
Come on DBP, get a life!Labels: cekmi's linguistic fever |
| mused by cekmi @ 8:09 PM |
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